Motherhood

I don't know if because it's the week before Mother's Day, or reading another blog about Motherhood, thinking about my own mom, or having tender moments with my own children, that I've been thinking a lot about motherhood.  The overwhelming thought I have, is how my children aren't mine.  For a short time, they have been given to me, on loan. And for even a shorter time, I will have the privilege and opportunity to spend every second of my day with them.  I think because so many of my sisters' have older children, I have come to realize (early in my own mothering experience) that before I know it, these little monsters will grow up and go off on their own adventures.

I am very close to my mom, I always have been.  And my love for her deepens as I realize how incredible she was and is at loving her children and helping them learn how to function (to be successful, make good choices, enjoy life, and contribute good to this life) without her. All of my siblings are out of the house (kindof :)), and my mom continues to share in moments of our lives, but for the most part, we have our life and she has hers. And in my opinion, that is one of the greatest things you can help your children do.  I adore my children and in some ways it breaks my heart to think of my kids not saying prayers with me every night, but on the other hand, I want them to grow up and move out. I want my daughter to stop calling me and redirecting that need/love/connection to her husband. Personally, my parents don't know the majority of things happening in my life. They don't know when I'm irritated with my husband.  They don't know when money is tight. They don't know about the trip to Hawaii Bryan and I want to take. They don't know about my workout schedule. They do know that Benjamin learned how to ride his bike. They know we are happy and doing well.  They know that we're going to Colorado in July.  I talk to my parents once or twice a week, and for us that's what works.

I feel like my mom made the most out of the moments she had us in her home.  My mom always was on the floor playing with us. I never can think of a moment when I needed my mom (especially before I left for college) and she wasn't near by and didn't stop everything to help me with whatever I needed.  She came into my room when I got home at night and would sit on my bed for at least 30 minutes to hear about my night.  Not to question me about what I did, but to share in the moment.  She laughed with me when I was happy, scratched my back when I was sad, and listened to me talk about boys and friends for hours.  My mom believed in me and helped me learn how to believe in myself.  I seriously have an incredible mom.

In some ways I'm very much like my mom...but at the same time I'm not.  I'm me. I don't try to do everything the way she did, I can't.  I'm not her. But I try to take all the good that she brought into my life and do that same kind of thing for my own children. I'm really trying to make the most out of the few years I have these children, in my home, all day long, and already have started trying to help them be incredible people so when they leave my home, which will be before I know it, they will function well without me. 

I also can't think about Motherhood and not stop and think about my husband. Without him, I wouldn't be a mother.  And before I was a mother, it was just him and me. And once my kids grow up and move away, it will be just him and me again. It's amazing how being a mom (specifically a stay at home mom) I try to stop and think about the kind of mom he wants me to be. I spend so much more time with our kids and while it would be easier to just always do things my way, I try to make sure I'm parenting and teaching our kids in ways that he would like too.  

Anyways, I love being a mom. Some days, it is the hardest thing I've ever done. Even harder than being pregnant with them (which was horrible!!) Some days, I just can't believe how amazing it is to spend all day with them and how lucky I am to have such incredible kids.  I love their individual personalities and I love their little quirks. I love that Heavenly Father has given me an opportunity to love them and teach them. I love the person I am becoming by being their mom. I love the differences between being a mom and mothering. Anyone that has a child can become a mom, but mothering is an acquired, desired, and developing characteristic. Happy Mother's day to my wonderful mom, my sweet mother-in-law, my amazing sisters, nieces and dear friends. You guys inspire me and are my role models!